How old is your body?

[lady_mitzi]

This morning I sat on the sofa with Sam, watching CBeebies and relaxing, and with my second brain I did a quiz I'd found in a magazine. I feel the need to share this with you, as it's too stupid to be true. Play along with me...

Start with your age....33

1) How much alcohol do you drink?
a) No more than a glass of wine a day (subtract 5 years from your age)
b) None at all (subtract 2 years)
c) More than 14 units a week (add 20 years to your age)

My new age...53

Now this is just stupid. I've just checked an units-in-drinks calculator and found that a standard glass of white wine (175ml) has 2.1units in.  As a comparison, a small double vodka has 1.9 units in.  So if you actually answered a) you'd be over the limit.  Who actually drinks just one of those titchy little glasses a day?  

Most weeks I'll have a couple of days when I don't have a drink at all.  I'll have between two or four days when I have one drink - that's the regular glass of wine, or the double vodka.  And then I'll have one or two days when I'll have quite a bit more. Or I might not.

2) Have you ever smoked?
a) No, never (Subtract 5 years)
b) Yes I did, but I quit  (Add 10 years)
c) Yes ( Add 20 years)

My new age...63

I quit 5 years ago and will never be restarting.  Hmmmppphhhh. 

3) How often do you excerise?
a) At least 3 times a week (Subtract 5 years)
b) A couple of times a week (Subtract 2 years)
c) Once a week or less (Add 5 years)

My new age...61

I take it they mean a proper workout, not just walking.

4) How much sleep do you get at night?
a) 5-8 hours (subtract 5 years) 
b) 8 hours or more (Add 5 years)
c) Regularly less than 5 hours (Add 10 years)

My new age...71

I'm going on what I get when I'm working nights - that's usual for me, and will be again soon. 

5) Confess your suntan secrets
a) My tan comes from a bottle (subtract 5 years)
b) I've used sunbeds (add 4 years)
c) I often tan with minimal protection (add 15 years)

My new age...66

I don't bother with tanning.  I stay out of the sun. 

6) How often do you floss your teeth?
a) Twice a day (subtract 5 years)
b) A few times a week (add 2 years)
c) Never (add 10 years)

My new age...76

I never got in the habit until I was pregnant, and when I had Sam I lost it again pretty quickly - 10 years!!!! What CRAP!

7) How much oily fish do you eat in a week?
a) At least two portions (Subtract 5 years)
b) Four or more (Add 1 year)
c) One portion or less (Add 5 years)

My new age...81

Oh FFS! I like fish, but not THAT much!

8) Who do you share your home with?
a) With a long term partner (subtract 4 years)
b) With friends (Subtract 2 years)
c) Alone (Add 10 years)

My new age...77

9) Describe your stress levels
a) I cope with stress well (subtract 5 years)
b) I sometimes feel stressed (add 5 years)
c) I feel very stressed, most days (Add 20 years)

My new age...82

Who DOESN'T sometimes feel stressed?

10) Do you get five fruit'n'veg a day?
a) Yes, and then some (subtract 5 years)
b) Usually (Add 5 years)
c) Rarely (Add 10 years)

My new age...92

And there you have it.  Apparently I have the body of a 92 year old.  I've met many 92 year olds in my job, and I can honestly say that I believe have strong grounds to appeal.

The results come in three categories - 5 years or more younger, roughly the same age, or five years older or more.  The advice they give to me - surround yourself with family and friends to help you cope with life's stresses and setbacks - may not be quite enough to counteract the effects of extreme old age though.  

I wonder if they have internet access in residential care homes for the elderly? If it all goes quiet from this end you'll know that they don't....

Comments

[lady-mitzi.livejournal.com]

It's actually quite offensively stupid isn't it? I hope they print my email!