How old is your body?

[lady_mitzi]

This morning I sat on the sofa with Sam, watching CBeebies and relaxing, and with my second brain I did a quiz I'd found in a magazine. I feel the need to share this with you, as it's too stupid to be true. Play along with me...

Start with your age....33

1) How much alcohol do you drink?
a) No more than a glass of wine a day (subtract 5 years from your age)
b) None at all (subtract 2 years)
c) More than 14 units a week (add 20 years to your age)

My new age...53

Now this is just stupid. I've just checked an units-in-drinks calculator and found that a standard glass of white wine (175ml) has 2.1units in.  As a comparison, a small double vodka has 1.9 units in.  So if you actually answered a) you'd be over the limit.  Who actually drinks just one of those titchy little glasses a day?  

Most weeks I'll have a couple of days when I don't have a drink at all.  I'll have between two or four days when I have one drink - that's the regular glass of wine, or the double vodka.  And then I'll have one or two days when I'll have quite a bit more. Or I might not.

2) Have you ever smoked?
a) No, never (Subtract 5 years)
b) Yes I did, but I quit  (Add 10 years)
c) Yes ( Add 20 years)

My new age...63

I quit 5 years ago and will never be restarting.  Hmmmppphhhh. 

3) How often do you excerise?
a) At least 3 times a week (Subtract 5 years)
b) A couple of times a week (Subtract 2 years)
c) Once a week or less (Add 5 years)

My new age...61

I take it they mean a proper workout, not just walking.

4) How much sleep do you get at night?
a) 5-8 hours (subtract 5 years) 
b) 8 hours or more (Add 5 years)
c) Regularly less than 5 hours (Add 10 years)

My new age...71

I'm going on what I get when I'm working nights - that's usual for me, and will be again soon. 

5) Confess your suntan secrets
a) My tan comes from a bottle (subtract 5 years)
b) I've used sunbeds (add 4 years)
c) I often tan with minimal protection (add 15 years)

My new age...66

I don't bother with tanning.  I stay out of the sun. 

6) How often do you floss your teeth?
a) Twice a day (subtract 5 years)
b) A few times a week (add 2 years)
c) Never (add 10 years)

My new age...76

I never got in the habit until I was pregnant, and when I had Sam I lost it again pretty quickly - 10 years!!!! What CRAP!

7) How much oily fish do you eat in a week?
a) At least two portions (Subtract 5 years)
b) Four or more (Add 1 year)
c) One portion or less (Add 5 years)

My new age...81

Oh FFS! I like fish, but not THAT much!

8) Who do you share your home with?
a) With a long term partner (subtract 4 years)
b) With friends (Subtract 2 years)
c) Alone (Add 10 years)

My new age...77

9) Describe your stress levels
a) I cope with stress well (subtract 5 years)
b) I sometimes feel stressed (add 5 years)
c) I feel very stressed, most days (Add 20 years)

My new age...82

Who DOESN'T sometimes feel stressed?

10) Do you get five fruit'n'veg a day?
a) Yes, and then some (subtract 5 years)
b) Usually (Add 5 years)
c) Rarely (Add 10 years)

My new age...92

And there you have it.  Apparently I have the body of a 92 year old.  I've met many 92 year olds in my job, and I can honestly say that I believe have strong grounds to appeal.

The results come in three categories - 5 years or more younger, roughly the same age, or five years older or more.  The advice they give to me - surround yourself with family and friends to help you cope with life's stresses and setbacks - may not be quite enough to counteract the effects of extreme old age though.  

I wonder if they have internet access in residential care homes for the elderly? If it all goes quiet from this end you'll know that they don't....

Comments

[wardytron.livejournal.com]

I'm 90. I think I look ok for 90. Anyway does this mean I'm allowed to shout at young people and dribble on public transport? Because I do kind of do that anyway.

[lady-mitzi.livejournal.com]

You look fabulous for 90 - I think we'd both do pretty well if we went on the pull in an old folks' home! And yes, I think you should continue your current behaviour fearlessly.

[mockduck.livejournal.com]

That is hilarious. I bet they got the office junior to put the test together. Taken in isolation, maybe any one of those things would accelerate your ageing, but you can't just stack them all up like that! Definitely time for a letter to the editor, methinks.

[mockduck.livejournal.com]

Also, I feel grateful to be a youthful 60. But why does not flossing your teeth add ten years?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lady-mitzi.livejournal.com]

Blimey, you must be a paragon of healthy living to have managed to come in at 60! (Or maybe I'm just a lot less healthy than I thought...)

I've never written to a magazine about anything before (I'd tell you that it's because I have a busy life, but from the evidence of my LJ....maybe not), but this might just be the issue to break the habit of a lifetime!

[mockduck.livejournal.com]

Yes, I've just checked again - still 60. I think the fruit and the sleep are the big differences between us. And I drink less.

[lady-mitzi.livejournal.com]

Yes, the booze is doing me in, I knew it! I drink a lot less when I'm working nights, but then I'll probably drink a lot more on my week off because I have to fit a lot more socialising in. I'm a lot more temperate at the moment, but this is a temporary reprieve and this isn't my real life!

I just emailed the editor of Now magazine!

[mockduck.livejournal.com]

Hooray for you! The emailing that is, not the boozing. My lack of boozing is only due to the fact I have NO social life whatsoever.

FLOSS OR DIE!!

[lurpak.livejournal.com]

aha I know this! I vaguely remember reading that flossing helps prevent coronary disease amongst other ailments

not at all scare-mongering web address here:

http://www.dentalgentlecare.com/floss_or_die.htm

Re: FLOSS OR DIE!!

[mockduck.livejournal.com]

Oh blimey. Death for me then. :/

Re: FLOSS OR DIE!!

[lurpak.livejournal.com]

it's silly really, no one used to floss their teeth when I was growing up.

*adds to list of things to worry about*

Re: FLOSS OR DIE!!

[mockduck.livejournal.com]

Re: lists of things to worry about: I just put Eve magazine back on the rack after flicking through it and seeing a big article titled WOMEN WHO WORK FULL-TIME ARE IN DANGER OF LOSING THEIR KIDS. I thought, they actually want me to pay money for worrying even more than I already do? Argh.

Re: FLOSS OR DIE!!

[lady-mitzi.livejournal.com]

If I start flossing twice a day from tomorrow then I could be 10 years younger TOMORROW! Oh, I so do love a properly thought out piece of science alongside my celebrity gossip.

Now Magazine should leave this kind of stuff to those who are best at the scaremongering health stories school of journalism, the Daily Mail. This is just so stupid it's funny - I'm too amused to be scared! Sod the floss!

Re: FLOSS OR DIE!!

[mockduck.livejournal.com]

Or, just leave Now magazine to its most devoted reader, Sam.

Re: FLOSS OR DIE!!

[lady-mitzi.livejournal.com]

Ha! I wondered if anyone would remember that! Unfortunately Sam only liked the issue that came out two weeks ago. The How Old Is Your Body quiz left him completely cold!

[winnie07.livejournal.com]

that is so stupid - how can the difference between flossing a couple of times a week and twice a day add up to a seven years? I probably floss once a day so do I split the difference and subtract 1.5 years? What a load of b******s!! I can't beleive that somebody actually got paid o write this!! I'm anywhere between 25 and 69 depending on what kind of week I'm having.

[lady-mitzi.livejournal.com]

It's actually quite offensively stupid isn't it? I hope they print my email!

[integritysinger.livejournal.com]

i'm chronologically 33 and metaphysically 39

[lady-mitzi.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, I really need to sort my life out! Still, I don't look 92!