### How old is your body?

Apr. 25th, 2008 09:29 am**lady_mitzi**

This morning I sat on the sofa with Sam, watching CBeebies and relaxing, and with my second brain I did a quiz I'd found in a magazine. I feel the need to share this with you, as it's too stupid to be true. Play along with me...

Start with your age....*33* *1) How much alcohol do you drink?*

a) No more than a glass of wine a day **(subtract 5 years from your age)**

b) None at all **(subtract 2 years)**

c) More than 14 units a week **(add 20 years to your age) **My new age

*...53*

Now this is just stupid. I've just checked an

**units-in-drinks calculator**

*and found that a standard glass of white wine (175ml) has 2.1units in. As a comparison, a small double vodka has 1.9 units in. So if you actually answered a) you'd be over the limit. Who actually drinks just one of those titchy little glasses a day?*

Most weeks I'll have a couple of days when I don't have a drink at all. I'll have between two or four days when I have one drink - that's the regular glass of wine, or the double vodka. And then I'll have one or two days when I'll have quite a bit more. Or I might not.

**a) No, never**

*2) Have you ever smoked*?**(Subtract 5 years)**

b) Yes I did, but I quit

**(Add 10 years)**

c) Yes

**( Add 20 years)**

My new age...

*63*

I quit 5 years ago and will never be restarting. Hmmmppphhhh.

**a) At least 3 times a week**

*3) How often do you excerise?*

**(Subtract 5 years)**

b) A couple of times a week

**(Subtract 2 years)**

c) Once a week or less

**(Add 5 years)**

My new age

*...61*

I take it they mean a proper workout, not just walking.

**a) 5-8 hours**

*4) How much sleep do you get at night?*

**(subtract 5 years)**

b) 8 hours or more

**(Add 5 years)**

c) Regularly less than 5 hours

**(Add 10 years)**

My new age...

*71*

I'm going on what I get when I'm working nights - that's usual for me, and will be again soon.

**a) My tan comes from a bottle**

*5) Confess your suntan secrets*

**(subtract 5 years)**

b) I've used sunbeds

**(add 4 years)**

c) I often tan with minimal protection

**(add 15 years)**

My new age...66

I don't bother with tanning. I stay out of the sun.

**a) Twice a day**

*6) How often do you floss your teeth?*

**(subtract 5 years)**

b) A few times a week

**(add 2 years)**

c) Never

**(add 10 years)**

My new age...

*76*

I never got in the habit until I was pregnant, and when I had Sam I lost it again pretty quickly - 10 years!!!! What CRAP!

**a) At least two portions**

*7) How much oily fish do you eat in a week?***(Subtract 5 years)**

b) Four or more

**(Add 1 year)**

c) One portion or less (

**Add 5 years)**

My new age...

*81*

Oh FFS! I like fish, but not THAT much!

**a) With a long term partner**

*8) Who do you share your home with?*

**(subtract 4 years)**

b) With friends

**(Subtract 2 years)**

c) Alone (

**Add 10 years)**

My new age...

*77*

**a) I cope with stress well**

*9) Describe your stress levels*

**(subtract 5 years)**

b) I sometimes feel stressed

**(add 5 years)**

c) I feel very stressed, most days

**(Add 20 years)**

My new age...

*82*

Who DOESN'T sometimes feel stressed?

**a) Yes, and then some (subtract 5 years)**

*10) Do you get five fruit'n'veg a day?*

b) Usually (Add 5 years)

c) Rarely (Add 10 years)

My new age...

*92*

And there you have it. Apparently I have the body of a 92 year old. I've met many 92 year olds in my job, and I can honestly say that I believe have strong grounds to appeal.

The results come in three categories - 5 years or more younger, roughly the same age, or five years older or more. The advice they give to

*me*- surround yourself with family and friends to help you cope with life's stresses and setbacks - may not be quite enough to counteract the effects of extreme old age though.

I wonder if they have internet access in residential care homes for the elderly? If it all goes quiet from this end you'll know that they don't....